Identity and Motherhood
As a society, we often overlook the reality of prioritising your mental health when it comes to being a parent. It’s quite easy to assume that there is no reason why your motherhood journey should affect your mental health. It’s the misconception that if you aren’t your happiest or most fulfilled by just being a mother, something is wrong. The truth is, being a mother is a joy, it’s an unexplainable journey filled with love and compassion. Although our needs as women don't just go away the moment that baby comes into the world. It’s important to remember that becoming a mother or a parent doesn't eliminate your identity.
Though that is a hard aspect of motherhood to navigate.
Why is Identity important? It’s what makes us who we are. It dictates our sense of self, how we view ourselves and overall, influences our place in the world. We spend years changing and finding our places. Now, we continuously change over time, though we often have personality traits that stick around for most of our time on earth. Identity is something that we all work so hard to find and maintain as individuals. It's unrealistic to not think that identity has the ability to affect one’s life.
The moment you are aware that you are expecting, it all changes. You immediately are thinking about someone else. Realistically no one ever tells you how this can truly affect your identity, therefore oftentimes you would never know the toll it takes on your sense of self until you are in that situation. In an instant, you are a mom, you are responsible for another human being and for a bit of time, you are in your own little world. There’s attention on the baby and how they're doing, and at times it’s like no one can see you. Even when you do speak up, you get responses that are just “ that’s how it is!”
This is only one example of how it is for a lot of women, and then that goes hand in hand with the loss of identity. Suddenly you only can talk about breastfeeding, wet diapers, nap times and you’ll catch yourself thinking “ this isn’t the ONLY thing about me. Is it?”
No mama, it isn’t. You are going through an insane, beautiful and totally normal life transition. It’s just not EVERYONE is going to understand until it happens to them. The most important thing to remember is that, it’s okay that your identity is changing. Becoming a parent is a change that you should embrace, but it’s also okay to have an identity outside of being a mother!
So, if it’s inevitable, what do we do?
The only advice I have for anyone who is trying to find themselves in their new journey, is to take it one day at a time. Now, more than ever is the time to keep your head down, limit how many opinions you take to heart and ignore any advice that doesn’t resonate with you. The time you do have with yourself, really think about things you genuinely enjoy. Remember that you are allowed to invest in yourself. Motherhood is all about finding balance and prioritising your own mental health is one of the hardest aspects because you never want to be selfish when it comes to your family. In the end, you will see that ensuring you feel your best, allows you to be the mom you want to be!